Forgot about loving you
by Wolvesta
Summary: In retrospect, he knew he should have said something or at least have put a stop to...whatever this was. Buck isn't stupid, he knows that Eddie is lying to him. You don't get those bruises from the job, there's only one reason why Eddie would have them: Eddie is cheating on Buck because he found someone better.
1. Chapter 1

He's late again. Buck is sitting at their shared dining room table, staring at the door, waiting for a certain someone to come through the door. Eddie's dinner is getting colder by the minute. Buck glances at the digital clock on the stove.

_11:30_

Eddie said he would be home around 8:00. When it hit 8:30, Buck had texted Eddie, wondering if he was ok, but he never opened nor responded to the message. This has been happening for the past month and a half. It started off as no big deal, he could ignore it at first. He knows, out of all people, what having this kind of job could mean. How much strain it can cause a person if they aren't careful. How even when you are about to clock out, the alarm will ring and you may not be going home that day/night.

So when Eddie was about 20 minutes late the first time, Buck didn't think much of it. Eddie had said that the alarm rang and a minor accident happened and they cleared it up. Buck had accepted it and they moved on after Buck had made sure that Eddie wasn't injured. Eddie said he was sorry and promised that he would call in case it ever happened again. But he promised it would never happen again.

_Only a week later it happened again._

This time Eddie was an hour late, it was the same excuse, an alarm as he as checking out and Buck would have believed him if not for the bruise on his upper arm. He looked at it but Eddie turned his body away from Buck to shield the bruise, it was subtle but he still noticed. He didn't say anything at the time but he wished with all his might he did. Maybe Eddie would have explained himself or at least let Buck look him over, but Eddie diverged the situation and asked about Christopher and Buck had no choice but to let it go. In retrospect, he knew he should have said something or at least have put a stop to...whatever this was. Buck isn't stupid, he knows that Eddie is lying to him. You don't get those bruises from the job, there's only one reason why Eddie would have them:

_Eddie is cheating on Buck because he found someone better._

Buck should have known that everything that's been building with Eddie was too good to be true. He should have known that Eddie was still mad at him about the lawsuit. Even though Eddie had repeatedly told him that he forgives him, Buck still has the doubt in the back of his mind that Eddie is still pissed at him. And the evidence is clear now that he thinks about it.

Eddie always promises that he will be home for dinner but is always late. Eddie then says he's sorry and he will be home the next day in time, but he lies because he shows up on time one day, but then the next it falls to the same pattern.

He remembers his talk with Maddie when he was poked by her to tell her what was on his mind. And she had told him that it was a red flag that she ignored when she was with Doug. Even though she said that Eddie was nothing like Doug, she still warned her little brother to be careful because lying is just the start of a slippery slope.

Buck had asked what he should do and Maddie told him to just talk to Eddie. It was either that or leave, and Buck couldn't leave. As much as he might have wanted to leave, to pack a bag and go back home, he didn't want to leave Christopher by himself. So here he was, waiting for Eddie just as he has for the past month.

Buck sighed and pulled out his phone to check for a new message, nothing.

_**To Eddie 7:30: **_

_Hey dinner is almost ready, let me know when you are on your way_

_**To Eddie 8:30: **_

_Hey Ed, are you running a little late? Don't be too long or it might get cold_

_**To Eddie 9:00: **_

_I put Christopher to bed, he missed you. Where are you?_

_**To Eddie 9:30: **_

_Are you ok? Text me please or call me?_

_**To Eddie 10:30: **_

_Eddie, please answer your phone, I'm worried about you_

Buck fiddles with the phone in his hand, wondering if he should send another text message to him, but he decided that he didn't want to annoy Eddie, but he was just so worried about him. Buck didn't want to think about what he could be doing, with whoever he was with. Maybe Eddie found a man that could actually give him what he wanted, or maybe he found a woman that could become Christopher's new stepmother or something.

Would they know Christopher liked to ride someone's shoulders went they went ice skating so he wouldn't fall down? Would they know that he liked blueberry pancakes on the weekends and waffles with whipped cream on Mondays to shake off the blues that come with the day? Will they know his favorite bed time story? How that he loves his teddy bear that they won at the fair after they faced their phobia of going to the pier together? How he loves his popcorn with extra butter when they go to see the latest Disney movie?

What about Eddie? Will they know even someone as social as him need some time to recharge? Would they know that he to be the little spoon sometimes after a bad call when it involved children or the elderly? Will they know that sometimes he likes to be the one who gets fucked and vice versa? Will they love him as much as Buck does?

_Will they know how lucky they are?_

As Buck spirals into this kind of thinking, he can feel all of the insecurities that Eddie and he had spent over the course of three months breaking down. But here and now, they were coming back full circle. Buck covered his face with his hand and stifled a sob that was threating to come up to the surface. He puts his head down on the countertop and sighs in a little relief as the coolness of the marble hits his face, which is warm from all his emotions. But it doesn't last long as he shakes his emotions away when he hears the sound of a car pulling up the drive way.

Buck gets up from where he is sitting and puts Eddie's plate in the microwave. He checks on Christopher one last time before heading to their shared bedroom. He can hear noises coming from the kitchen and he knows that Eddie has entered the house. Buck goes into the bathroom and catches his reflection in the mirror...he can see what Carla meant when she told him that he doesn't look so good.

He sees that there are darker bags under his eyes, his hair is a little bit longer and unkempt, his face and eyes are red from crying. He splashes some cold water over his face, hoping that he can wash the redness off. He stares into the sink, hoping that some kind of answer will maybe manifest as the water drips down into the drain. He shakes his head and dries his face off and is startled when he catches Eddie's reflection in the mirror. Buck turns around and sees Eddie is staring at him from the entrance of the bathroom. Usually this would be the time that Buck forces a smile and welcomes Eddie home, but he can't force himself to smile this time, he felt something else that he wasn't used to feeling:

_Anger_

_Hopelessness_

_Sadness_

Buck hadn't moved and was making eye contact with Eddie, but no one had said anything for what seemed like a long time, but then Eddie smiled at Buck and had stepped into the bathroom to give him a hug. Buck tried not to tense in his arms but he couldn't stop himself. Eddie immediately pulled back to look at him. Eddie smiled sadly

"Hey...I'm sorry I'm late Ev." Eddie says as he tucks a loose strand of hair behind Buck's ears. Buck instantly catches a fresh bruise on Eddie's bicep as he raises his arm. Eddie hasn't noticed Buck eying the marks on his body. Buck then knows the reason he's late again.

_He was with that person again_

Buck then feels something pang in his chest as he feels Eddie kiss his cheek. He feels used, he feels dirty and he feels like a secret. Buck pushes past Eddie and begins to head to the front door. Eddie scrambles to follow him:

"Wait, Buck, where are you going?" Eddie asked as he managed to block the door that leads to the hallway and grabs his forearms.

"I'm leaving Eddie," Buck says, not being able to make eye contact with him.

"Y-you don't have to-" Buck cuts him off, not wanting to lose the courage that he suddenly has.

"37," Buck says as he finally looks up and has to elaborate when Eddie looks confused. "You've have been coming home late for a total 37 days, this has become a pattern and I wish that I can keep pretending but I can't do it anymore..." Buck rips himself out of Eddie's grip and pushes past him. He's able to get to the door and is about to open it when he feels a hand grip his arm, he turns and sees Eddie.

"Please stay, I'm so sorry Buck. I-I didn't realize-" Buck frowns as he fully faces Eddie.

"You said you'd come home at 8:00...you said that you would and you didn't" Eddie feels tears building in his eyes, had he really done this so often? "Christopher keeps asking about you every night and I have to tell him that you keep working late as I read him his story. I have to look at your son in the eyes and lie to him...I hate lying to him, I don't know where you are, I don't know whether you're alive or-" Buck stops, unable to even finish the thought. Buck steals himself for this next part: "I can't do this anymore Eddie...I-I just can't" says Buck as he brings himself out of Eddie's grasp, he turns back to the door when he hears something fall to the floor. He turns around to see Eddie on his knees and everything that Buck is mad about goes out the window as he kneels in front of Eddie. He hooks the tips of his hands under Eddie's face to coax him to look up.

Buck feels his breath hitch as he sees Eddie's usual expressive eyes glassed over with tears. Buck begins to unconsciously stroke Eddie's face. It's almost a force of habit...maybe a bad one in this case because when Eddie feels Buck's thumb caressing his cheek, Eddie lets out a sob and it makes Buck want to take back this whole conversation. Buck stands up and tries to pull Eddie up but he simply shakes his head. Eddie crawls on his knees and buries his head in Buck's midsection while wrapping his arms around his backside. Buck tries to step out of the trap he was in by Eddie but Eddie tightened his hold.

Buck hesitantly puts his hands on Eddie's arms as he looks down, tears forming in his eyes, but refusing to let them fall right now. Eddie looks up at him, tears rushing down his face.

"I'm sorry. I-I know it doesn't mean like much right now but I truly am sorry. I didn't know"

_But how could he not know?_

"Please...please don't leave us...I'm sorry...this is all my fault I'm sorry," Eddie says as he slowly lets go of Buck. He hesitantly gets up from where he's kneeling. "I...I know I really shouldn't be asking you this because my track record is terrible...can-" Eddie stops, considering his words "I know I don't deserve this and I understand if you don't want to let me have it but...can I make it up to you? Not for this time but for the rest of the times I let you down?" Eddie begs, unable to look up at the one he caused so much hurt.

"Eddie...I don't know I-" Buck hesitates but Eddie interrupts

"I'll come home just in time for dinner. It'll be just you, me, and Christopher. It'll be family night, just like you've wanted." Eddie says, looking up, trying to dwindle the hope rising in his chest. Buck hates that he actually mauls it over. He thinks about the pros and cons of this choice that he's been given. He knows that he shouldn't, he knows that this should never have happened in the first place but...

But if Eddie comes home early, he can show Eddie that he's worth it

"Well..." Buck lets out a sad sigh, "I can't believe I'm doing this..." Buck says quietly to himself but Eddie hears it all the same: "You promise you'll come straight home? Because if you don't...I'm done" Buck says and Eddie fully stands up to make eye contact with Buck. He brings his hands up to cup Buck's face and brings their foreheads together.

"I promise Evan...I promise I'll come home. I'll be home at 9:30. I get off of work at 9:00" Eddie says tearing up as he looks at the blue eyes that express the unconditional love for him. Buck blinks as he brings his own hands and rests them on Eddie's shoulders, head falling a little forward to meet Eddie's halfway. Eddie slowly slides his hand down to Buck's neck. He pulls back to look at him and leans in to slowly and gently kiss him. Eddie then brings his other hand to caress the birthmark that he loves so much. After a second, Buck wraps his arms around Eddie's waist to pull him close, deepening the kiss. Eddie pulls back to give Buck a kiss on the forehead, cheek, nose, and one last one on his lips.

"I love you Eddie...so much" Buck says in a sad voice as he drops his head onto Eddie's shoulder. He brings his hand to tangle in Buck's hair.

"I love you too Buck" Eddie says as he begins to pull them towards their bed. After getting settled in, Eddie wraps his arms around Buck and pulls him close. Eddie falls asleep instantly, but Buck still has the doubt lingering in his head.

Maybe tomorrow will be different?

_Buck could only hope._

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Buck takes a look around the kitchen one last time and saw that everything was perfect. It was his day off and after dropping off Christopher at school, he managed to clean the whole house, catch up on errands, do the laundry and everything on their weekly to-do list. After he had picked up Christopher, they worked on dinner together. They made chicken and rice with garlic bread on the side. Buck pulled out all the stops, setting out their favorite wine while giving Christopher Topo Chico, his favorite Mexican mineral water. He thinks he really outdid himself with tonight and Christopher thought so too.

Buck doubled checked everything, he looked in the mirror to make sure he was well-groomed, the food was ready to be eaten in the pots, and the box that Buck had been saving for this occasion is resting safely in his pocket. Now all that's missing is Eddie, but he should be home soon.

_That's what Buck kept telling himself, even when the clock ticked past 9:30 then 10:00_

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"Don't do it Diaz!" yelled the promoter from above him, but he ignored the protesting as he dialed 911. Eddie knew that this was a bad idea, but it was either that or let this man die. Not that what he did was any better. After confirming their location, someone yelled for everyone to run, and it was chaos. Spectators and fighters were scrambling to their cars in order to avoid the police and risked being arrested. But Eddie couldn't move. He heard the sirens and tried to leave but was stopped by Bosko, who was kind enough to lend him her turnout coat so he doesn't get arrested. But once they got outside, it was a different story.

"Fighting was supposed to be a healthy outlet, not an obsession"

"It's not" Eddie tries to defend himself. He needs this.

"Eddie! He was so out of it that he couldn't even defend himself" Eddie was getting more annoyed by the second, "You need to talk to someone"

"Enough with the lecture Bosko, I don't have time for this I have to get home," Eddie said as he rubbed the sweat out of his eyes. "What time is it anyway? My phone died" Eddie asked as he handed her back her jacket.

"It's 10:30" Lena replied and Eddie froze, he looked to Lena again, panic rising in his body.

"What?" he asked. Desperately hoping he heard it wrong, hoping that this was a sick joke and he hadn't fucked everything up.

"I said it's 10:30...actually...10:31" Lena says as she hears her captain call her back. She bids farewell to Eddie and he is left alone with his thoughts. He shakes himself out of his frozen state and runs back to his and tears out of the parking lot. He checks the time on his radio and feels dread as he sees that it's now 10:45. God he's late, of course he's late. He had to come here tonight. He knew that he shouldn't have but he just needed to. But looking back, he didn't need to, he wanted to. He wanted to take all his anger and frustrations of the previous day on someone else, and it almost the opponent his life. But now that doesn't matter, he has to push those thoughts of almost killing a man because he might lose one of the most important people in his life.

The one who introduced him to his saving grace Carla. The one who helped him with the loss of Shannon, the one who held his son as he cried for his mother. The one who saved his son during a terrifying time and helped him overcome his fear of the pier. God...Buck had done so much for all of them and he just fucked it up.

_This has to stop._

_This can't go on anymore_

Eddie decided right then and there that he cannot and will not go back to the ring anymore. He has too much to lose. Why oh why did it have to take so long for him to realize that the most important people in his life are right in front of him, they're waiting at home right now. He thinks back to how much he had been mistreating Buck. He kept missing dinners and events, but today is different because he promised that he would be home. But he blew it off again. He failed the love of his life and he failed his son.

He fucked up

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Eddie rushed into the house and is ready to confess everything to Buck right then and there but it all goes out the window when he sees Buck at the kitchen table, staring at him with a pained look on his face. Eddie drops his bag and is about to speak but Buck holds up a hand.

"You said you'd be home at 9:30...you promised that you would be home in time for dinner." Buck looks up at Eddie "You looked me in the eyes, held my hands and promised me that you would be home...but you broke it" Buck feels tears slipping out of his eyes. "You broke it just like you have been for the past few months. I thought tonight would be different" Buck scoffs, wiping the tears away, getting up from where he was sitting. "I guess I was just stupid to think that tonight would be different" Buck grabs his keys from off the counter and starts to walk to his car but he feels Eddie grab his arm. Buck rips it out of the grasp. Eddie holds his hand up in surrender, hoping not to make Buck any angrier.

"Buck...please let me explain-" but Buck cuts him off.

"No Eddie, you promised that tonight...off all nights would be different. But you lied to me...you've been lying to me. I thought I was strong enough to keep this going but I can't do this anymore." Buck sniffs and wipes his tears that keep falling "Remember I told you, so many months ago that I hated myself and I couldn't stand to look in the mirror some days? Well, I still hate myself, but I don't hate myself enough to be your second choice. I can't be that for you Eddie" Buck says as he steps back and unlocks his car. He looks up at Eddie who seems to be frozen. He takes Eddie's face in his hands and kisses him one last time.

"I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you Eddie...I hope whoever you've been with loves you and Christopher just as much as I do..." Buck says as more tears fall. "Oh and here, happy anniversary," Buck says, handing Eddie something. Buck gets into his car and drives out of the driveway and away from Eddie.

* * *

Thanks for reading! Feel Free to comment!


	2. Chapter 2

Eddie doesn't know how long he stands there, but all he can hear is the blood circulating in his ears and his heart beating erratically. Eddie falls to his knees on the wet pavement, which is due to the light drizzle.

_Anniversary...he forgot their anniversary_

"No...fuck...FUCK!" Eddie screams as he pounds the pavement with his fist. Eddie then puts his head in his arms and screams into the ground. He picks it up and looks to where Buck had driven off. Oh, how he wished that he could get into his car and chase after him, but he couldn't.

_God, why did he have to ruin such a perfect thing?_

He knew that he shouldn't have gone to the fight club tonight. Hell...he never should have been going in the first place. He didn't think that it would be such a big deal. At first, he did it to have a healthy outlet for his unchecked rage that he didn't want to accidentally release around Buck or Christopher. Then he did it because of all the extra money that was coming in and it didn't hurt to have some extra cash around, but it did hurt. It hurt the person he almost killed, it hurt his son, and it hurt Buck. And here he was, facing the consequences of his actions. But something that Buck said that caught him off guard:

_I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you Eddie...I hope whoever you've been with loves you and Christopher just as much as I do_

Buck has it all wrong. Buck is more than Eddie could have even asked for, more than he deserved. He was so lucky to call someone is as generous and kind-hearted as Evan Buckley, a friend. Let alone his partner in everything.

_Buck thought that Eddie was cheating on him._

This thought sends a cold spike of sadness through Eddie's heart. He fucked up, he fucked up the best thing that's happened to him since Christopher was born. And even after everything Eddie had put Buck through, he still wanted him to be happy. After the disappointing Buck, after letting him down and leaving him alone, Buck was willing to give Eddie one last chance, but it wasn't enough. He wasn't strong enough to stop.

He forgot how lucky he was.

He forgot about loving Buck

"Dad?" asks a voice from the house. Eddie turns and sees Christopher standing in the doorway, looking confused. Eddie pulls himself together and has to pick himself from off the ground and go inside to see his son.

"H-hey Chris, what are you doing up?" Eddie asks, hoping that he can conceal his emotions enough so Christopher doesn't pick up on it.

"It's your anniversary, and I made this for you" Christopher pulled a picture out of the pocket of his pants and hands it to Eddie. Eddie carefully opens the picture and it makes him well up with fresh tears.

It's a crudely drawn picture, but it shows two large stick figures and a smaller one in between them. Over the figures, it reads Daddy and Bucky (Papa) and underneath it reads in large letters

_I 3 my family._

"Where did Buck go dad? He said he was going to wait for you..." Christopher asked and Eddie saw that he was sad when he didn't see his Buck around. Eddie didn't want to lie to Christopher, oh how he wishes he could, but he didn't want to. But how does he tell his son that he's the reason he may not see Buck for a while or ever again? How does he tell his son that he may have broken their family because of his own selfish bullshit? How does he tell his son that he may have lost someone dear to them both? But before he can say anything, Christopher speaks up:

"He's gone isn't he?" Chris asks in a sad broken voice and it kills Eddie to know that it's because of him. Eddie carefully places the picture on the kitchen counter and grabs his son's shoulders.

"He didn't leave us Christopher; you're still going to see him. He had to go because...uh...he had to help aunt Maddie with something and it couldn't wait until the morning..." Eddie hated that he had to give this little white lie to his son, but it would help ease the guilt that he knows his son would have.

"So...it's not my fault he's gone?" Christopher asks in the small voice that Eddie prayed to never hear again. The only times he's ever heard that little vulnerable voice was when his mother left the first time and when she died. And now he hears it again because another parental figure is gone. And like the first time with Shannon, it's his fault.

"No mijo, it isn't your fault...it's mine. I haven't been a very good friend to Buck for a while" Eddie brings his son in for a hug and is desperately holding in the tears, he can't break down in front of his son, he can't scare his son into thinking that Buck isn't going to come back.

But all Eddie can think is how selfish he's been. He was so caught up in his anger and what happened in his past that he didn't see his present and his future. And god how he wanted a future with the little family he's created. Buck, Eddie, Christopher, abuela and tia, what more could he want or need?

_But it could be over now...maybe forever_

He needs to make things right, even if he can never call Buck his again, he can't have Christopher lose someone else he looks up to so soon after he lost his mother. Christopher needs Buck...Eddie needs Buck.

They need Buck

Eddie then carefully lifts Christopher and brings him to his room. Eddie tucks in Christopher intending to see Buck tomorrow and try to talk to him. He hands Christopher his favorite Bucky bear, Chris' words not Eddie's, and was about to turn off the light when Christopher called out to him.

"Dad wait! You need to open the gift!" Eddie looks confused then he remembers what he's talking about. Eddie carefully takes it out of his pocket and is about to open it when Chris wants to see too. Eddie sits on the edge of the bed and traces the beautifully wrapped gift. Eddie feels his heart squeeze in pain at the thought that he forgot an important day in their lives. Eddie takes a deep breath to steady himself and calm his emotions that are raging to get out. Eddie slowly tears open the wrapping paper and comes to stop at the silver velvet box in his hands. Eddie is terrified to open it and see what's inside but before he can, Chris opens it for him and Eddie feels himself break when he sees what's inside.

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_He finally did it._

After almost two months of experiencing heartbreak, sadness, and loneliness, he left Eddie. But goddamn did it hurt to do so. Buck wants to stay with Eddie, but he found it harder and harder to keep up the façade that he had been so carefully building. What sucks is that he had recently moved in with Eddie, so now he wants to head back home but he doesn't have a home. He moved in with Eddie after his contract was up. Christopher and Eddie are...was he home for a long time...but now it's over.

He pulls out his phone and scrolls through his contacts and stops at a particular name before he can stop himself, he sends a message to her.

_**Buck**: Hey Mads, can I stay at your house tonight?_

Not even a minute later, he gets a response

_**Maddie**: Of course, you can, stuck at work, you have a spare key, feel free to use my comforter_

Buck sighs in relief when Maddie doesn't ask any questions right now, and he thanks the stars that Chimney isn't over at her house right now either. He knows he'll have to explain in the morning. But right now, he was too emotionally exhausted to deal with anything right now.

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Buck flinches back when he feels the sunlight beaming onto his eyes. He throws his arm over his eyes and he tries to go back to sleep. But it's useless since he can hear the coffee maker go off and he can smell her constant brewing her can of New Orleans' Cafe Du Monde coffee. Buck turns in the bed, he just wants to keep sleeping and not wake up...at least for a while. He isn't ready to deal with wondering why he wasn't good enough for Eddie. He didn't want to deal with all of the insecurities that were beginning to come up. Eddie and he had spent so much time breaking down Buck's walls and walls of insecurities after Abby and Ali left. After the tsunami and after that stupid lawsuit. He hoped and prayed and begged to whoever was listening that Eddie wouldn't be so mad at him anymore, and it worked at least for a while it did. Everything was beginning to be good again.

Until Eddie found someone better than him

He just wished he could have said good night to Christopher before he left, but he didn't want to wake him up and he didn't want to stay any longer than he did. Christopher...he made getting up in the morning worth it when the days were long and the nights were shorter. He wanted to be someone that the kid could rely on but he even failed at that too. He didn't think of him when he filed that lawsuit and he didn't think of him afterward.

_But that isn't your fault, Eddie could have reached out to you before and he didn't_

His logical side of his mind supplied this to him, and he knew...at least logically that yes it wasn't his fault that Eddie didn't reach out, but the rest of his was screaming that maybe he should have made himself more available to Eddie, to constantly assure him that he was and still is there for his son. Maybe if he showed Eddie that he was there before everything, maybe he wouldn't have found someone else.

He just hopes Eddie liked his gift...

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Eddie isn't sure how he does it, but he manages to fall asleep the night before, never letting go of the piece of jewelry that Buck gave him. When he opened the box and saw what Buck had gotten him, he felt something break inside of him, and he cried. He cried harder at that moment than any other point in his life. He cried for Shannon when she left the first time, but it was only because his son wanted his mommy and Eddie couldn't give her to him. He cried when Shannon died, but it was only one day, he cried more when his son cried out for his mom in his sleep. But Buck was there to help him through it. But this time, he cried for all the things that he lost. Shannon dying wasn't his fault, he never wanted her to die, he wanted her to be there for their son, but he still blamed himself for making her leave. He told Buck how he felt that he wasn't good enough to make her stay, but Buck sat there with him, simply holding him while Eddie fell apart in his arms.

Buck stayed, every time Eddie lashed out a little or cried, Buck stayed with him and his son to help them through this terrible loss. But then Buck was injured so badly he had to stay in the hospital, but that wasn't Eddie's fault either, but he felt so useless watching his best friend under that truck and not being able to do anything. He cried when Buck was in the hospital...twice, his lifeline, the one that could ground him after everything was suddenly gone and he felt himself drifting. He cried when he saw his son was missing, he never blamed Buck, but he cried for his baby, but it didn't last since he was right there behind Buck. When Buck sued the department for his job back, he cried when his son called out for his Bucky. He cried when they confessed their feelings and began the road to recovery.

_But then Eddie messed up when he started street fighting_

Eddie kissed his son good night after saying how much he loved the gift. He somehow got himself into bed and when he looked at it closer, it saw there was something engraved. When he read the inscription, his walls broke and he cried. For the first time in a very long time, his body was wracked with sobs as he cried into his pillow. Not wanting to wake his son up, he cried into his pillow and the only person that can pull him out of this was gone because of him. He cried for Buck, for his best friend, for the person he loved more than he loved himself, for the one that was his light through the darkness of his mind, the one good thing that came out of this year of terrible. He cried as he clutched and kissed the piece of silver in his hand. He held it to his heart like it was Buck.

He turns over to Buck's side of the bed and wishes with everything that he was here. So, Eddie can hold him and tell him how much it means to him and his son. That Buck wasn't a second choice and that he wasn't cheating on him. That there was no one else that could make him as happy as Buck makes him feel.

_That he loves him and sometimes that scares him because he's never loved anyone so intensely before._

But because of his selfishness and inability to let things go and just TALK about his feelings, it's over. Eddie eventually cries himself to sleep and dreams of the baby blue eyes he has grown to love.

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"Diaz" Eddie looks up and sees Bobby looking over the edge. "Up here now" Eddie feels his heart race a little bit but dismisses it.

"I was gonna go change" Eddie points to the locker room.

"No first we talk," Bobby says in a tone that leaves no room for argument. Eddie sighs and spots Lena coming down the stairs as he turns around.

"What are you doing here?" Eddie asks as he narrows his eyes at her

"Just talked to your captain," she says as she turns away from him. Her work is done and is about to take her to leave but Eddie speaks up

"Did you tell him? You sold me out..." Eddie says in a tone laced with betrayal. But he knows that he deserves it after what he did to Buck. "I thought we were friends" Lena stops in her tracks and walks back to him and asks ina nonchalant voice:

"What's the name of my cat?" Lena asks sticking her hands in her pockets.

"What?" Eddie asks in a confused voice. What does this have to do with anything?

"I know about your kid, your dead wife...and your arrest record and the guy you almost killed. So tell me...what's the name of my cat?" She asks tilting her head to the side, already knowing the answer.

"I have no frickin idea," Eddie says shaking his head.

"Exactly. It's a one-way street with you Diaz. We aren't friends" Lena says emphasizing each word. She shakes her head and takes her to leave: "And for the record, I don't have a cat, I have a corn snake named Waffle!" Lena yells back as she leaves the station. Eddie sighs as he makes his way upstairs. He sees Bobby and immediately begins to defend himself.

"Look Cap I don't know what Bosko told you-"

"Captain Cooper called me last night. He recognized you from the tsunami. He wanted to give me a heads up about a potential problem in my house" Bobby said cutting him off and Eddie is confused

"But Lena -"

"She was here when I pulled in this morning. Wanted to make sure I had a full picture and that I wasn't too hard on you." Eddie shook his head at this, why did he have to assume?

"Guess I owe her an apology," Eddie says as he sighs, taking a seat as the captain told him too. He knows where this is going. Eddie quickly tells the captain that it's fine. He doesn't want the team to know how badly he messed up. He knows the captain looks to Buck like a son, he can't disappoint him or the others. The silence is deafening and it's allowing Eddie to feel all the things from the night before, he can't break down again. Not in front of his captain, but Bobby says something and he feels his face heat up.

"Things just out of control"

"Control? That's what this is about, right? You're the guy who always keeps it together, no matter what life throws at you. You shake it off, keep moving forward" Bobby says as Eddie shakes his head

"Lots of people have it worse," Eddie says as he thinks about Buck and his son. They've gone through so much in the past year. He thinks of what Buck told him in what feels so long ago.

_But it doesn't mean what you've been through means any less. Let's not compare trauma Eddie, let's just work on helping each other._

"Eddie, I just wanna make sure you don't think you have to lose everything before you can allow yourself to feel anything," Bobby says as he looks at Eddie expectantly

"No, Christopher needs me to be in control. I'm the only parent he's got left, and I can't let him down again" And Eddie wants to laugh when Bobby asks him to elaborate. Eddie tells him how he stayed away when he was a baby and it made his wife leave. Eddie thinks about how he let his son down by breaking his mother and it made her leave. He swore to himself that he would never do it again because he didn't want his selfishness to drive anyone else away but it was too late.

_He broke Buck and now he's gone_

"No...no I already lost something important," Eddie says avoiding eye contact.

"Eddie, what's going on?" Bobby asks in a concerned voice "Is it, Christopher?" Eddie shakes his head no

"Buck left last night," Eddie says as he feels tears building in his eyes

"Eddie...I'm sorry to hear that," Bobby says in a sympathetic tone.

"It wasn't his fault...it was mine," Eddie says as he nods his head and takes a shaken inhale "I messed up. I kept coming home late...I missed dinners and I lied to him" Eddie's voice wavered at the last part. "He was ready to give up but I asked for one more chance. To show him how much I love him, how means he means to me...and he forgave me for everything but it wasn't enough...I wasn't strong enough" Eddie says as he blinks back the tears but they are already falling down his face.

"He loves you, Eddie, he'll be back" Bobby states in a matter-of-fact tone. Eddie shakes his head

"I forgot our anniversary...and now he's gone...what have I done?" Eddie breathes hitches and it reaches a point where he can no longer hold himself back and he cries again. He puts his head in his hands and feels his body shaking. He feels the captain put his hands on his shoulders and he leans into the touch. He doesn't deserve it, not after everything he's done, but he can't help it.

"Take the rest of the day off Eddie. You're in no condition to go out on calls with us." Eddie wants to say no that he can do this. He needs this because he can't go home, not without Buck, he can't go back to an empty house. Not without Buck who livens the house up, even when he's gone for the day, Eddie looked forward to going home because it meant Buck would come home and they would be together and everything would be good. Eddie thinks back to how Buck would make his feel safe after a long day, how Buck would chase the nightmares of losing his wife and son away and in turn helped Buck with his.

He remembers the first time Buck had awoken in a cold sweat and he admitted to Eddie that it wasn't the first time he had these dreams but never told him because he didn't want to add them to his shoulders. He said that he didn't want to wake Eddie because he was sleeping peacefully for the first time in a while and Eddie wanted to scream at Buck, to tell him that his problems are valid too, but he couldn't say anything. buck simply shook his head and kissed him gently before going back to sleep.

_He can't go back to a house that reminds him of his failures_

But the captain insists that he takes the day off and Eddie is left with no choice but to leave. He pulls his phone out, wanting to send another message to Buck, but by the fifth message, he knew that Buck wasn't ready to talk. He scrolled to past messages and saw there was one from Maddie sent last night.

_**From Maddie 11:30 **_

_He's at my house tonight. Don't call him_

Eddie remembers the relief at the thought of Buck being somewhere safe for the night. He's glad someone is in his corner. After everything he put Buck through, he's glad that someone still has his back

_Even when Eddie didn't have his._

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It's nearing evening when Buck was sitting in the living room, nursing a cup of his favorite tea when he hears a knock on the door. He carefully places the cup on Maddie's cat coaster and answers the door. When he opens the door he comes face to face with Eddie. Eddie looks terrible and Buck hates himself when he sees Eddie in this state and wants to comfort him. Even after everything Buck just wants Eddie to be ok. But his heart can't handle it so he acts before he thinks and slams the door in Eddie's face.

Buck lets out a soft sob and leans against the door, sliding down to the floor and hugging himself in a form of self-protection. He hears a soft thud on the other side of the door and he knows that Eddie is leaning against the door too.

"Evan..."

"Go away Eddie...you can't be here with me. You should be with the other person" Buck says as his heart squeezes in pain.

"There is no other person Evan, you're it for me," Eddie says, leaning his forehead against the door, hoping Buck can hear the sincerity of his words.

"I can't do it, Eddie, not again...I'm not strong enough to be your second choice...I can't be that for you"

"You aren't...I swear you aren't Evan. There never was anyone else. I wasn't and would never cheat on you. I love you with everything that I have Evan please believe that..." Eddie, as he sniffs, brings his hands up to the door and presses them into the wood. He wants to melt into the door and be with Buck on the other side.

"Edmundo..." Eddie feels his heartbreak at the use of his full name. Buck had never called him that before "You need to go...you destroyed me...I can't go back to where we used to be because I still love you, and I don't think I'll ever stop. I gave you everything but it wasn't enough for you...I can't trust you with me...not again" Buck says and it is the most painful thing he has had to say to anyone in a long time. Buck thinks that Eddie left but he hears soft sobbing on the other side of the door.

"Remember how we bonded over the earthquake? I remember when you drove me to see Christopher after it and when I looked back to look at you, you had such a nice blue shirt with that damn jacket on and I felt then that I had to get to know you more. And after everything that happened, when you whispered to me that you loved me when we were dancing in the living room to Purple Rain, I had never felt that way before. I felt peaceful with you, I felt safe and loved and enough and everything was good for the first time in a long time. It was then that everything would be ok no matter how terrible things got, I would be ok because I had you. I had never seen my son so happy when we told him we were together. I knew then that I loved you too. And I messed up...Buck, it was never you, it was me. I've been staying out late because of something so stupid. I dealt with things in an unhealthy way. I've had so many problems with my past that I forgot about my present and my future...and I can't imagine any of them without you in it."

_Eddie then breaks down for the second time that day. He hopes that Buck is listening, he hopes that even if he could never be with him again, that he could still call him his friend._

"You're incredible you know that? Even after everything that I've put you through, you still wanted me to be happy. Even if that made you sad, you wanted me to be happy...it's just another way you're amazing...and another reason I love you" Eddie laughs sadly, but picks himself up from the ground. "I'll go now Buck, but for what it's worth I'm sorry...I just hope you can forgive me one day" Eddie gently kisses the door, hoping that Buck can feel it on the other side. As Eddie turns around to leave, he hears the door opening. Eddie looks back and sees Buck, crying silent tears and gripping the doorframe. Eddie hesitantly takes a step forward onto the step, keeping a distance between him and Buck.

Buck takes a deep hesitant breath to steady himself, he looks up at Eddie and he holds out a trembling hand. Eddie instantly takes it, if not for himself, but to steady Buck's nerves.

"Are you getting help?" Buck asks in a hoarse voice and Eddie's heart breaks when he hears this. Buck is still concerned for his well-being. Eddie wishes Buck to be mad because he deserves it, he deserves the anger, but hearing concern for his mental health is almost too much.

_This man is something else and he took that for granted_

"Bobby recommended a therapist and I'm going to see them next week. I'm getting help Evan, or at least I will." Eddie says squeezing Buck's hand hesitantly before he lets it go. Buck nods and looks at Eddie and eyes the silver on his person. Buck gently reaches out and touches it.

"You're wearing it..." Buck says but it is more in a tone of disbelief. Before Buck can pull his hand away, Eddie brings his other hand and covers Buck's hand with his own. Buck can feel the pulse against Eddie's wrist. He slowly puts a hand on Buck's face, caressing the mark above his eye.

"I am so sorry Evan. You mean so much to me and I took you for granted, that will not happen again. It took you walking out for me to realize how much you fit into our lives." Eddie confesses as Buck sighs.

"I'm just glad you're getting help Eddie," Buck says sincerely

"Evan I-" his sentence gets cuts off when he feels something hit him in the back of the head. His head hits the pavement and he hears someone say

_You took everything from me, now I taking something of yours_

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Eddie groans as he lifts his head from the ground. He instantly remembers what happened. He shoots his head up and looks around. He's in front of Maddie's house because he was talking to-

_Where is he?_

Eddie groans as he looks around but stops when he sees Buck a few feet away from him. Buck is wrestling with someone and Eddie feels his blood freeze when he hears a gunshot go off. He feels his heart stop as Buck stumbles back and falls, clutching his side. The attacker runs off, leaving them there and Eddie is instantly by Buck's side.

_This isn't happening...this can't be happening_

"No no no no no Buck please look at me..." Eddie looks down at Buck with tears in his eyes. Buck groans in pain as Eddie turns him to the side.

"Eddie..." Buck moans in pain and clutches his side. He hears someone behind them yell that they've called 9-1-1 and Eddie thanks the stars that someone did because it didn't occur to him to do that. Blood is rapidly pooling onto the cement and onto Eddie's hands. The blood thinners are making it impossible for Eddie to stop the bleeding.

"Evan please stay with me" Eddie begs as Buck slumps and closes his eyes. He has to keep him talking. Eddie leans over Buck to put pressure on the wound and winces when Buck yells in pain. He kisses Buck's forehead,

"I know it hurts Ev, just try to breathe, you feel this?" Eddie takes Buck's hand in his own "That's me, squeeze my hand and don't let go. Stay with me cariño please..."

"You haven't called me that in a while...I miss it..."

"I'll call you cariño every day for the rest of our lives Ev, just stay awake please," Eddie says as tears hit Buck's face. Buck blinks at the sensation and sees the silver he touched earlier. He reaches out and touches it as it's dangling over him.

"I'm so glad you liked it, Eddie..."

"I love it Buck...how did you even find it?" Eddie asks, hoping this can keep Buck talking.

"It wasn't easy, I had to contact your old army captain and he gave me new ones. They aren't your original tags...but I hope this is good enough for now" Buck says as he twirls the dog tags in his hand and Eddie sobs at this.

"They're perfect Buck...and the engravement is beautiful...I love it so much, I'll never take it off" Eddie says as he places another kiss on Buck's forehead. Buck turns one of the tags over

**September 23, 2018: the day we meet **

**I'll always have your back **

**~Evan Buckley~ **

Eddie finally hears the sound of sirens down the block, he doesn't want to leave Buck's side, not even for one second, but luckily someone waves them down and they find them. Unfortunately, the responding team is the 118. Eddie doesn't have time to think about how lucky but unlucky this is when he is pulled back by Bobby. Hen and Chimney instantly get to work.

"Stay with us Buckaroo, don't give up on us," Hen says as they secure him on a backboard. She commands Chim to keep the pressure on the wound and it takes the force of Bobby and Lena to hold Eddie back from running to Buck. Lena leaves Eddie's side to help Chim and Hen lift Buck onto the gurney and into the ambulance. She tells them she'll drive and Bobby gets into the passenger side. Hen and Chim motion for Eddie to get in the back with them. Hen sets up and IV while Chim puts a Nasal cannula on Buck who opens his eyes and looks around.

"I'm right here Buck...I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." Eddie laughs sadly as Buck gives him a sad smile. Buck coughs but laughs a little bit as he brings his hand and rests it on Eddie's face. Eddie smiles as he places his hand to cover Buck's. He holds it and feels it being squeezed.

"I love you...tell Christopher I love him too," Buck says in a weak voice and Eddie wants to scream and cry when he feels Buck's hand slack and the heartrate monitor flatline.

* * *

Thanks for reading! Feel Free to comment!


	3. Chapter 3

They were too late to do anything but stand there and watch the doctors take Buck away into the operating room. The flatline still ringing in their ears as he was whisked away. Eddie didn't want to leave Buck's side but he knew that he had to. Eddie didn't let go of Buck's hand, even when the doctors and nurses were demanding him to, he didn't want to, but as the doctors ran faster, Eddie was having a hard time keeping up with them. He wanted-no-he needed to feel Buck somehow. And if holding his hand was the only way to make sure he was still with him then he'll hold it forever if he had to.

Eddie's arm is stretching as long as it can go but Bobby comes up from behind and forces him to stop running. Eddie screams in denial as Buck is taken behind to where he can't go. Eddie falls to the floor on his knees, still reaching out to where they took his Evan. Hen and Chim come in front of him and help him onto his feet. He's unable to stand on his own so they drag him back to the waiting room and gently coax him into sitting in a chair. They disperse but they don't leave his side, Chim still has a hand on his shoulder while Hen is holding his hand.

"Eddie..." He looks up and he sees Athena in front of him.

"Hey Athena..." Eddie says, his voice trying not to break. The sergeant kneels in front of Eddie and takes his head in her hands and he lets out some tears. He lets out a shaky sob as Athena brings him in for a tight hug that are rare, but you can't help but feel so safe in. Athena wraps her arms around Eddie while Bobby does the same.

"I can't lose him...I can't lose Evan. I love him I-I can't-" Eddie says in between sobs. Athena runs a hand up and down his back.

"You won't baby, you won't. He's Buck, he's survived worst"

_He survived everything the universe threw at him, but will he survive what everyday life throws at him?_

Eddie wonders as Athena pulls out of the hug to look Eddie in the eye:

"We looked at camera footage from Maddie's house, we will be able to find who did this. Looking at the footage, we found-" Athena is interrupted when a doctor comes in the waiting room. Everyone instantly untangles themselves from the group and stands to greet the doctor. Eddie feels the hand on his back, Bobby grounding him to the present, but how he wished he wasn't here when he heard what happened next. He heard what the doctor was saying but he wished it wasn't true.

He knew who shot them, it was the promoter from the fights. The guy that yelled at him not to call the police. Wayne Camargo was at Maddie's house when they were attacked. Wayne pulled the trigger but it might as well have been Eddie. He should not have gone out that night, hell he never should have been going out to fight.

_Because if he didn't then Buck would be alive right now and he wouldn't have to bury the man he wanted to make his husband..._

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_The funeral is a painful event._

Maddie's sobbing in the front of the church even though Buck wasn't the most religious person. The city-wide fireman's funeral was possible because even though he didn't die in the line of duty, he protected someone and that was enough for Bobby to convince the chief to let them bury him like the others they've lost.

Maddie was next to Chim who was letting tears run down his face, he lost his future brother-in-law before he could ask him to be his best man. Hen lost her best little pseudo-brother before her future child with Karen can meet their famed Uncle Buck. Athena being the rock for Bobby as he was when she caught Emmett's killer. She mourned the boy she hated at first but learned to love him as a son. She saw the potential he had if he just got his shit together, and she was so proud of the person he became. Bobby hadn't cried so hard since Marcy and his kids, but it almost is the same. He lost another one of his kids, he saw Buck as a son. Since Buck asked him to help with his tie, he saw him as a son and now he's gone.

_Eddie, oh Eddie was a silent mess. He remembers, before they closed the casket, he took Buck's hand one last time and he slipped a pair of dog-tags into the hands of the one person he couldn't follow. It showed the date they meet and an inscription on one of the tags:_

_**I'll always have your back **_

_**I'll always love you **_

_**I'll marry you **_

**~Eddie Diaz~ **

Eddie drives his son, abuela, and tia to the cemetery where they are going to lay Buck to rest. His tia and abuela are trying their best to console Christopher, but he hasn't said a word this whole time. He was never silent, not even when his mother died, he was crying and he was at least talking to them. But Christopher wasn't saying anything, not even crying. They pulled up to the side of the cemetery and slowly made their way to the awaiting hole in the ground. The trumpets are playing as he is handed an American flag that was covering the casket on the way over. He took it and he felt a tug on his pants. He looked down and he saw Christopher looking at the flag, Eddie handed it to him and Christopher held it as tightly as he could.

" Mijo...it's ok to feel sad..." Eddie says this and he sees his son's eyes well up with tears and he finally lets himself feel sad. Christopher wanted to be strong like his Buck, but he remembered when Buck told him that it was ok to feel things. It doesn't make you a bad person when you allow yourself to cry. So that's what he did, he cried for his papa, his Buck, and the one that helped him when his mama died. Christopher wished he was able to call Buck papa, but he never got to ask and now he will never be able to. Eddie scoops Christopher up in his arms and he feels the wetness of the tears on his shoulder and he holds him close. He cried with his son, both of them never want to see this day where they have to bury their Buck. They wanted to spend every second with their sunshine, but now it's gone.

_He hears the music stops and he hears the bulldozer over to his right when he looks to the side, he sees that they are ready to drop the dirt in the ground. Eddie pulls a shuddering breath as he was expected to say some final words as everyone already had. Before he spoke up, he heard his son speak up._

"I'm going to miss my Buck...I wanted him to be my other dad, I just hope he's happy with mama..." Christopher says and it breaks everyone's heart.

"Buck was a dreamer, he was always destined for big things, and no matter what life threw at him, he was always able to come out on top. When we first met, he wasn't nice to me, but I learned it was because he was jealous, even though he had nothing to be jealous about. After Shannon left the first time, I told myself to never let anyone in the home we've created, but when Buck went above and beyond what was never asked of him, and he wormed his way into my heart. When Shannon came back, I was so scared that Buck wouldn't feel what I felt so I ran from the feelings. I dated Shannon again, and when it didn't work out and she died...Buck was there. He was always there, even when I didn't ask or want him to be, he was there for me, for my son. He was incredible that way..." Eddie takes a second to wipe his tears away and clear his throat.

"Buck wasn't without his faults, no one is. His main issue was having a heart of gold. That's not a bad thing, but when someone hurt him, he was so quick to forgive them because he didn't want to be at fault with anyone and he hated drama. He loved people way too much and it left him vulnerable to being heartbroken and when we finally told each other how we felt, I promised him that I would be the first and last person to love him enough to never leave him. He was my best friend before anything else, and I-" Eddie let out a sob "I think I'm going to spend the rest of my life missing him" Eddie then nods indicating that he's done when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

"We're all going to miss him. We're going to miss him very much" Maddie says as she hugs him and his son. Everyone comes in for a group hug as Eddie tosses a rose into the ground. The dirt covers the glossed casket and is now home to the person who had his heart and soul.

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Eddie feels a harsh gasp and sob leaves his throat when he jolts up in an unfamiliar bed. He felt cold sweat-slick his entire body and the blanket felt suffocating on his person. His heart screaming for air and for the one who was gone. He feels body aching sobs wrack his body as he cries into his hands. Wanting to be comforted by Buck, but knowing it was impossible because he buried him yesterday. The feelings come flooding back to him as he lies back down. He goes to reach for the empty side of his bed to somehow be closer to Buck. To sleep on the pillow that smells like him. But he is stopped when he feels a body beneath his arm, he shoots up in bed when he hears the person speak.

"Eddie?" says a gruff voice and he wants to scream because he knows that voice anywhere.

It's Buck

"What's wrong babe? You ok?" asks Buck as he turns on the lamp on his bedside table and sits up.

"B-Buck?!" Eddie says in a voice that's on the verge of breaking. Suddenly he couldn't breathe, his breaths were coming in and out at the same time, he can't breathe.

"Eddie...I need you to slow down and take a breath for me ok? Can I put my arms around you?" Buck asks, making sure he has Eddie's consent before touching him. He doesn't want to make him more anxious. Eddie nodded his head yes and Buck slowly slid his arms around Eddie's shoulders and front and pulled him close, running his hands through the brown locks of hair. "I need you to stop and breathe for me ok? Try and match my breathing ok?" Buck slowly inhales, hold it in for 5 seconds and slowly breathes out. He repeats this process until Eddie is calm and his heart isn't beating a hundred miles an hour.

"Buck?" Eddie rasps.

"Yea it's me, sweetheart, I'm right here. Shh, it's ok. It was just a bad dream." Buck says as he continues to run his hands through Eddie's hair. He's alive, his Evan is alive. He didn't bury him, he's here. Eddie sniffed and threw his arms around Buck but instantly pulls back when Buck lets out a yelp of pain. Buck lifts his nightshirt and reveals gauze covering a small area of his side and sighs in relief when it isn't bleeding.

"OH god I'm so sorry...I-I didn't mean to-" Eddie is cut off when Buck wraps his arms around him again.

"Shh it's ok. I'm fine Eddie. I'm right here" Eddie slowly and carefully leans into Buck's embrace and lets out a shuddering breath.

"What to tell me what happened?" asks Buck and Eddie has to suck in a breath, not wanting to remember the horrible but vivid experience. But he knows he has to talk about it.

"You died...Christopher and I had to bury you because I couldn't save you...god I saw your body in the casket and I thought it was real. I thought you were gone before I could tell you I love you..." Eddie sobs

" Eddie I know you love me, and I love you too. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but it wasn't real, you and the others saved me."

"How did I save you? I was useless-"

"I held on for you and Christopher. I had to come back to you two" Buck says placing a soft kiss on Eddie's head while running his hand up and down his back. "Remember?"

_He thinks back to the events leading up to this moment..._

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Eddie is in the bathroom after the doctors took Buck to the operating room. He's looking at himself in the mirror and can't stop looking at the blood on his shirt. His original red shirt is stained with the lifeline of the one he loves and is on the verge of losing. He has a spare shirt in his bag, but it's at Maddie's house, and he can't even think about leaving the hospital.

He runs his hands under the lukewarm water and beginning to gently wash the blood out from his hands. Even when the brownish water going down the drain turns clear again, Eddie continues to wash his hands. The skin becomes irritated but he can't stop scrubbing but he stops when another pair of calloused hands grab his. He looks to the side and sees his captain taking his hands away from under the steady stream of water and gently dries them.

"I-I need to call Carla and ask her if-"

"She already knows, she picked Chris up from school and is going to drop him off at his grandmother's house until Buck gets better." Bobby said leading them out of the bathroom and into the waiting room. Bobby gets sits him down and places a cup of water in Eddie's hands.

"He's going to be ok Eddie; our Buck is a fighter." He hears next to him and sees Athena taking the seat next to him.

"Hey Athena..." Eddie tries to smile but Athena gives him her signature mom look and he feels the tears well up in his eyes again as he curls forward and cries into his hands. He feels Athena pull him into her side.

"I can't lose him...after everything we've been through, I can't lose him" Eddie says as he feels the team come around him.

"We won't lose him, they brought him back, you heard the monitor Eddie, he's going to be ok"

"B-but the blood thinners-"

"Don't think about that Eddie, he's going to be ok" Bobby says with a note of finality and it leaves no room for argument. Eddie nods and allows himself to feel the comforting feelings from the people he calls his found family. Once he is able to get himself somewhat together, he looks up and sees another officer.

"Eddie this is Officer Lee, they're here to take your statement on what happened if that is ok with you?" Eddie nods yes and he gives what he can to the officer taking notes and the statement.

"Did the shooter say anything to you?" asked the officer.

"Y-yea he said that I took everything from him, he's going to take something from me" the officer nodded and then asked

"Do you have any idea who might have done this?" Eddie is about to say no, but then he thinks about it. He didn't think about what the aftermath might have in store when he called the police for that guy. He then thought about the worst-case scenario...what if the promoter followed him and saw him at Maddie's house? What if he didn't go to Maddie's and went home with his son? Eddie then panics because he doesn't want to think about what might of happened if the guy then shot-no he can't think about that. He then looks up and the officer is still looking at him with a look of patience and he has to push that line of thinking away. Eddie then explains to both Athena and the officer what he had been doing, the officer was unjudging but he saw the signature look of disappointment on Athena's face.

"That's when I called the police. I saw he ran away when I hung up but I thought that was the end of it. Wayne Camargo is the name of the guy that approached me when I was fighting in abandoned lots. He then brought me to the warehouse and I began to fight there. I think he might have followed me home or something...I know Maddie's house has cameras, maybe one of the cameras caught something?"

"The owner of the house already gave us permission to look at the camera footage so officers are looking at the footage right now. If we get a hit and make an arrest, we will let you know. Thank you for your cooperation." The officer bids farewell to Athena and Eddie almost wishes that he is taken to the station for more questioning because it would be better than being under the stare of Sergeant Athena Grant.

"You want to explain to me how because of you, our boy, the pseudo-uncle to my and Hen's kids, the kid my husband sees as a son, is fighting for his life as we speak on the other side of those doors?" Athena asks and it makes Eddie shrink.

"I've been dealing with things in an unhealthy way and now Buck is paying the price for it...but Athena, I didn't mean for him to get hurt. I never wanted him to get hurt, I love him and I can't imagine my life without him, I don't even remember life before him. I just want him to be ok so I can tell him how sorry I am. I can't lose him..." Eddie says as Athena softens her look a little bit. She smiles softly and kneels in front of Eddie.

"I know you love that boy, and he's going to be ok. I'm not going to arrest you; lord knows you're suffering enough. But don't worry Eddie, our boy is a fighter, nothing will stop him from coming back to us" Athena says as she brings Eddie in for a hug. He returns it and he feel himself falling apart. He can't lose him. He can't lose Buck; he doesn't think he'll survive it. Buck has to hold on, so Eddie can tell him everything, so Buck can maybe forgive him and call him a friend at the very lease. He doesn't expect Buck to take him back, he doesn't deserve that.

"When that kid wakes up, you need to ask Buck for his forgiveness" says Athena

"I don't deserve it...not after everything I've put him through..." Athena doesn't say anything as Eddie looks at her with anguish in his brown eyes. "I need him Athena...Christopher needs him...I don't know what I'll do if he-"

"Don't think like that. He's going to make it Eddie, you need to have faith that he can hold on for you, for your son, and for us. He can do this, just have a little faith" Athena said as she pulled away. Eddie wiped his eyes and sat back into the chairs.

_He didn't know how long it was until the doctor comes out and says the surgery was a success_

Buck had been asleep but Eddie hopes that he can hear him as he whispers that he loves him and that he messed up so bad that he ended up here.

He isn't sure how many hours pass until he feels the hand in his own squeeze and twitches. Eddie looks at Buck with hope and is flooded with relief when Buck's eyes slowly open.

"E- Eddie ?" Buck's voice is hoarse and thick but it is music to Eddie's ears.

"I'm right here...I'm here cariño it's ok..." Eddie soothes as Buck is beginning to wake up. Buck blinks and looks around and sees that Eddie is next to him.

"Eddie...hey..." Buck looks up and sees a tearful Eddie next to him in a hospital bed. He reaches out to him and Eddie grabs Buck's hands again and he finds himself with an armful of Eddie, who is shaking and crying quietly into his shoulder. Buck is confused on this because even though the last thing he remembers is being shot, it was a random robber...right?

"Eddie...what's wrong?" Buck lifts a shaky hand and places it in Eddie's hair. "Eddie...what's the matter lov-" Eddie cuts Buck off with a gentle kiss to his lips. Buck is shocked and before he can return it, Eddie pulls back and Buck can see the anguish and pain in his eyes, and it worries him. Eddie can't form words; there's so much he wants to say to Buck but he can't form the words. "Eddie talk to me love...you're scaring me..." At this Eddie looks up and gently takes Buck's head in both his hands and brings their foreheads together. He has yet to stop crying...

"I'm sorry...god I'm so sorry...you're here because of me..."

"You didn't shoot me Eddie...this isn-"

"The guy that shot you was there because of me...I didn't want to tell you this so soon after waking up but...the reason I've been staying out so late isn't because I was cheating on you...I was out fighting" Eddie waits for Buck to go off on him. To yell at him, to scream at him and tell him how stupid he was being. That or Buck is finally going to realize that he doesn't need Eddie and tell him to go away and leave. But he does not do any of that, instead, he says...

"So that explains these..." Buck says as he points to a nasty but healing bruise on Eddie's arm.

"I'm sorry Buck, I dealt with things with fighting and it almost cost me something so important..."

"Better me than you...than Christopher..." Eddie lets out a sob at the thought

"No don't say that...don't you dare say that! You both are so important to me...I thought I was going to lose you Buck...fuck I did lose you...you flatlined in the ambulance and I thought that was the end of it. I held your hand until you came into the hospital and I wanted to follow you but I couldn't...I didn't know if you were going to make it and that thought terrified me. I don't remember life before you, but now...I can't imagine my life without you...I am so sorry that you're here because of me" Eddie slid off the bedside chair and fell to his knees beside the bed. HIs head buried in the worn sheets that could only belong to a hospital bed, his hand in Buck's. And Buck can see how truly apologetic Eddie is.

Not even two days ago, Buck left Eddie's home, thinking he wasn't good enough for Eddie and that is why he was staying out late. But come to find out that the only reason is because he was fighting...Buck knows he should be mad...but with the combination of drugs, almost dying, and because of missing Eddie, he's not mad. Besides, he thinks almost dying is punishment enough. It's a good thing that Eddie decided to stop going to the ring before something even worse happened. Eddie wasn't cheating on him and Eddie says he loves him. Sure, Buck could mad a little bit longer, but he doesn't want to be. Not after everything that had happened

Buck smiles slightly and runs his fingers through Eddie's hair to get him to look up. When Eddie does, Buck moves over in the slightly big hospital bed and Eddie hesitates, but Buck tugs on his hand a little bit more and Eddie climbs onto the bed next to Buck. Their bodies fitting perfectly together like a puzzle piece as Eddie settles down on the bed, careful of the wires and the tubes that are attached to buck. After some careful maneuvering, Buck buries his forehead into Eddie's chest as he buries his face in Buck's messy un-styled hair. Eddie inhales deeply the scent that is uniquely Buck and he tightens his hold ever so slightly.

"Eddie...I'm not going to say it's ok, because it's not. But I also know you are going to get help, so I can't stay mad at you"

"Why not? The promoter that brought me to the fights is the one that shot you...he was there because of me...you're here because of me..." Edde says as he nuzzles into Buck.

"But you saved me...Eddie Diaz, you saved my life and because of you, I can come home to you and Christopher...if you want me to at least..."

"Of course, I want you to come home...I'm not letting you out of my sight, not for a second."

_And he didn't leave that hospital room until Buck was discharged two days later. Going to sleep only to have a horrible nightmare of what might have been._

{~}{~}

"...Remember Eddie? You and Christopher brought me home and we are in our bed. We're here Eddie it's ok" Buck says as he lays back down, bringing Eddie with him and tucking him into his side. Eddie relaxes at the sound of Buck's heartbeat.

"Buck...I-I'm so sorry..."

"Eddie we're past that-"

"But I'm not" Eddie says as he sits back up, looking down at Buck "I was so caught up in my head that I forgot to see my future with you and our son" Eddie wanted to chuckle at the sight of Buck's eyes widening when Eddie said our son

"Yes, Christopher is our son. And I almost lost both of you because of my own selfishness. I forgot about loving you Evan...and for that I truly am sorry, and I hope that one day you can forgive me for that"

_Even if I might not forgive myself_

"Eddie...come here" Buck brings his arm up and Eddie hesitantly falls into them. "I forgive you Eddie...it's what it means to be a part of a family...and we are a family Eddie. You and Christopher are my family, and I am so thankful that I have you two" Buck says as he turns his head to capture Eddie in a kissed.

"I'm thankful for you too Evan. ..I'll never forget to tell you this again cariño...I love you...god Evan I love you...I love you with everything that I am"

"Oh Eddie" Buck says as he pulls back and stares into Eddie's pretty brown eyes "I love you too..."

"Thank you for giving me a chance to tell you how much I love you, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to show you how much I love and appreciate you" Eddie says as he snuggles into Buck so he can try to go back to sleep.

"You don't need to spend the rest of your life showing me Eddie...this right here, is perfect. I love you Eddie" Buck says as he kisses Eddie on the top of the head.

"I love you too"

_Eddie is lulled to sleep with the steady and strong heartbeat of one Evan Buckley, the one who has his heart._

* * *

YALL THOUGHT I WAS DONE HURTING YOU?! JKJK I'm done now

Thank you all so much for sticking by me during this story because you have officially reached the end. If the ending isn't that great forgive me because I am writing this in the middle of being high off of cold medicine because this winter weather is kicking my butt...

Thanks for reading! Feel Free to comment!


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